I am sorry for the LONG delay in writing, life has happened so quickly and we have kind of been keeping to ourselves. However I had something brought to my attention lately and I wanted to elaborate on this a bit. Some of this post may be kind of a re-run of other posts but that’s okay.
My wife and I have been approached recently by a person asking questions. It started when my wife was jokingly talking to her and told her she was just “scared to try it.” She has known the lifestyle we partake in on occasions and has asked questions for years. Until recently, she has not been asking serious questions. After this comment she started getting serious and asking detailed questions.
One of the suggestions this friend came up with to get her involved was having a party and letting things “just happen.” This is an awesome idea, if and only if everyone involved is accustomed to this lifestyle.
After my wife and I visited about this situation we decided to sit down and together write this blog.
In our opinion, a NEWBIE should not begin this way. A group of people is not going to be the best experience for a new person and holds a lot more technical details and interaction. What happens if this new person gets started and does not enjoy what is happening? If the new person walks away from an orgy with a bad tastes, it could possibly make them turn their nose to this lifestyle, and never attempt anything like it again.
When a new person is trying to get into the lifestyle as a single person or a married couple, the best advice I can give is to start small, with a person or couple you trust completely! By starting with a couple, this gives the new person the ability to say NO or STOP and there will be no had feelings or judgment. Whereas with a group of people you never realize the amount of peer pressure involved and there may be actions associated that they will regret in the future.
There was a lot of reserves about ruining the friendship, OBVIOUSLY she has not read my blog “Swingers .. It is a Separation of Love” and does not understand that there is a mental separation that must occur before you can fully enjoy the lifestyle.
We gave her an example of a friend that we all have known for sometime, but until recently this new person did not have a clue she was our play partner. And the only way she found out was when my wife used her as an example on the separation of love and sex. As I have stated before, the difference in someone who just wants to just sleep around and someone who actually lives the lifestyle, we become friends first and everyone knows each others boundaries before anything happens. It actually jaw dropped this new person when she found this out and her only response was “I would have never really known that, because you never acted any different when she was around.”
There have been a few that you could tell right off something was different, and we feel this is because they were new to the situation and did not have the complete understanding of the separation.
HOW SHOULD YOU START OFF SLOW you might ask, here are a few suggestions.
So you find yourself, a single person wanting to dabble in the pool. But your hesitant because you don’t know what to expect.
- Visit the bedroom with the understanding your just going to WATCH.
- Start with everyone in the room but just you and the one your MOST comfortable with, then slowly incorporate touching and play with the other partner as the night progresses.
- Sit down and watch a pornographic flick with no sexual contact. Maybe self stimulation only?
- Photo exchange – Almost everyone can send cell phone pictures.
After trying all or some of these ideas, you will know for the most part if this is for you.
The worst thing you can do for yourself mentally and emotionally is to Jump in HEAD first and not actually know what you are getting into.
If for any reason you have questions about anything in this lifestyle and want to visit with someone who will tell you the truth and not sugar coat it, please feel free to use the contact us button and we will reply privately. Or you can post a comment and share your input and questions with the world!